Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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