I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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