Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
