We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
