all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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