no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
