Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Operation Purity has been aborted
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
