Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
