what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
