So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
