im drinking this country out of the recession.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
