Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
