1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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