I want to stick my p in your. b.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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