I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
