i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
