so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
