If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
