Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Actions speak louder than pants.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
