idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
