I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
