We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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