Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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