I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
