I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
