So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
