Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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