you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
