good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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