Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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