Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
