So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
