Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
