my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
