So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
