There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
