Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
