Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
