your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
