My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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