u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
