I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
