ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
