You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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