I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
