32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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