I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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