either way he was missing a nipple.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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