I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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