something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
